Needs and values are the things we care about, the sources of our wants. They matter because they are the contents of our core selves. They make up much of the terrain of our inner worlds.
Needs and values can both answer the question “What do I care about?” or "Why?"
Needs and values are highly interconnected. There will be times when it won’t be important to distinguish whether you’re exploring a need or a value. But there is an important distinction between the two: needs tend to be very similar for all people, whereas values tend to be highly individualized.
Another way to state this distinction is in the negative:
When someone is not meeting one of her needs, she’ll have a hard time functioning well — getting up in the morning, holding down a job, maintaining relationships.
When a person is not honouring one of his values, he’ll function fine by all outward assessments... but he will not feel well in his life.
Needs are the things that almost all people fundamentally require to function in life — but this doesn’t mean we don’t frequently deny or ignore them. Values, on the other hand, are the aspects of life that you choose to invest in to create your own special meaning.
Needs are mostly chosen for us by the physical realities of our bodies; values, however, are chosen by us.
When most people hear the word needs they think of the basic physical necessities of life: air, water, food, shelter, protection from the elements. The most enduring framework for understanding needs is Maslow’s hierarchy, which proceeds from physical necessities like food, water, and air, to safety and security, to love and belonging, to creativity and self-actualization.
This framework has endured for more than seventy years and is a nice place to start when pondering the role of needs. Because it’s generally considered a one-size-fits-all model, it also reinforces the main difference between needs and values: that the same needs apply to everyone.
Values, as opposed to needs, are highly individualized. One person’s core value could sound like an absolute nightmare or a complete waste of time to someone else.
So what exactly are values? Values are just what the word implies: things that have worth to you. Values can be as tangible as an antique writing desk that your grandfather entrusted to you. They can be as intangible as the concept of saving the earth. Values are anything — object, swath of land, idea, principle, mission, goal, relationship — that holds personal worth for you.
You know it’s a value if you feel compelled to invest your time and energy into it.
Many unfortunate things happen when we aren’t aware that we have values or, for whatever reason, cannot make our values a priority. The most common result is a sinking feeling — a sense that our life is pointless or that life itself is worthless. Depression, malaise, melancholy...these are the hallmarks of a life without known and honoured values. A life with known and honoured values, on the other hand, feels like it has substantial personal worth and meaning.
How do you identify unmet needs?
Look at what you complain about.
How do you identify disregarded or undefined values?
Withdrawal Behaviour
Feelings of Disappointment
Feelings of Agitation or Anxiety
Feelings of Frustration, the source of which isn’t clear
Examples:
Presenting complaint: “My roommates are crazy.” Possible unmet need: personal space or a predictable environment
Presenting complaint: “My boss is micromanaging me.” Possible unmet need: freedom or self-determination
Presenting frustration: “I like my job; I just don’t feel like I’m learning anything anymore.” Possible disregarded value: knowledge or personal growth.
Presenting frustration: “How come I’m so busy all the time but still feel like I’m not making progress?” Possible disregarded value: balance or achievement
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Needs and values are the things we care about, the sources of our wants. They matter because they are the contents of our core selves. They make up much of the terrain of our inner worlds.